So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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