the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
4 words: hood of his car
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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