Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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