1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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