You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
