I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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