this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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