I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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