Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
