Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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