smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
