"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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