somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
