Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
