can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
