ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
