I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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