I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
