she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
