So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
