Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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