I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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