i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
