That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
