i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
