Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
