Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
