I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sext me about skeletons
Floor bacon is actually really good
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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