I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
