She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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