my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
