Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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