What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
