i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize