Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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