hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
