Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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