Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
