The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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