3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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