I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
