who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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