ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams