after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
