I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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