Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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