i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
