Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
