Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
