You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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