My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sex in a hospital.. check
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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