Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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