do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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