I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
