careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
