in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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