I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
