i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
