You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
