One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
