i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sarcasm needs its own font
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
