I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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