from now on my penis is your penis
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
