he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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