dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
