we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
