is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
