so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
