I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Green mimosas i think yes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
