I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
