The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
