Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
