All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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